In My Eyes
***********

War and Peace.

Sounds like a good combination, don't 'cha think?  I always thought Tolstoy 
had a good idea, combining those two contradictions in one title.  It seems 
to describe our relationship perfectly, Relena and I.

I have to admit, the only reason I came here was curiousity.  Everywhere I 
went, I was told about the wonderful Relena Peacecraft and how she was going 
to save us all from the clutches of OZ and bring everlasting peace to our 
worlds.

Yeah, right.

So, when I was told to enter her school, I thought, "Why not?"  Why not see 
what everyone else was so bedazzled by, the goddess of peace who fell from 
the colonies to save mankind?   I sent in my application, waited for it to be 
processed, all the while anticipating meeting this glorious Relena 
Peacecraft.  On the day it was accepted, I rushed over to the school just in 
time to be personally met by the queen of peace herself.

She was not beautiful.

Don't get me wrong.  I'm not saying she isn't attractive, just not the 
Aphrodite kind of beauty you would expect of a prominent female figurehead.  
She has more of a masculine cut to her jaw that makes me think of her more as 
handsome than beautiful.  I think I'm more of a beauty than she.

Oh, the stories I'd heard about her were true; she had some kind of charisma 
that attracted people too her like bears to honey.  She also had everything a 
princess could possibly want: a glittering castle, guards willing to die for 
her every whim, even a knight in gundanium armor.  Just like a spoiled little 
perfect princess in a fairy tale.

So I decided to haul her kicking and screaming back to reality.

I donned the most confrontational personality I could think of: the person 
who absolutely loved war.  Every lecture I attended I teased her, tearing at 
her Absolute Pacifism policy with the worst comments I could think of.  I 
attacked her as a hyena would a sick moose, constantly putting her on the 
defensive, wanting the other students to see the ersatz leader they were 
blindly following.  Wanted to see her break down and cry in front of all her 
followers so they could see that Miss Goody-Two Shoes was nothing special.  
Nothing at all.

Something happened though.  No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't even chink 
her armor.  She would parry every sentence I said with that calm, composed 
manner she possessed, beating me back with her quiet iron will.  Day after 
day this happened, until I eventually relinquished the battle.  She had won 
my respect, but at the same time, I realized something.

I loved her.

No, it's not that girly, best-friendy type love you're thinking of.  It's 
that can't live without her, wanna be near her, drag her off to bed and fuck 
her till morning kind of love.  

And I couldn't get near her because of him.  That knight in gundainium armor: 
Heero Yuy.

She talked about him all the time, eyes lighting up like a christmas tree 
every time she even breathed his name.  It got to the point where I hated the 
syllables that made up his name: He eee roo yuu iii, such ugly, nasal, twangy 
sounds.

It was during these times that I wanted to hear about him dying in battle, 
severing that whatever bonds she believes they have together.  If she could 
just forget him, forget he even existed, I might have a chance of turning her 
heart to me.

Then guess who decides to drop in out of the sky.  Heero Yuy.

Ugh.  He was even worse looking than I imagined, wearing that dirty, 
blood-stained green shirt that obviously showed he was a murderer.  And what 
does she do?  Welcome him with open arms, overjoyed at the fact her knight 
had come back to her.  

Disgusting how she forgot I was even around once he showed up.

What's so damned special about this Heero Yuy anyway?  He destroys the 
colonies' only hope of reconciliation and keeps fighting OZ even though 
they've practically disowned him.  He's nothing!  To hear it from her mouth, 
you'd think he won the Nobel Peace Prize.

I keep watching them together, as I'm doing now, jealously wishing I had the 
guts to tear his throat out and make my yearnings for his death come true.  I 
want to find out who Heero Yuy is, why he's so important to her.  And I've 
found her little dirty secret.

He doesn't love her.

Surprising, isn't it?  The one woman everyone worships, whose charms no one, 
not even me, can resist, and he doesn't give a shit about her.  And she 
hasn't got a clue, leaning closer too him, thinking he's being cold only to 
protect her.  Ooh, this is just too delicious.

I could fling it in her face.  I want to do that even now, scream to the 
world that Relena Peacecraft is pursuing a one-sided romance, break her 
little heart as she is mine.  Fracture her perfect world and let her try to 
pick up the pieces like I had to.

But, I can't.  I love her too much to hurt her like that.  

So, I sit, and wait until the world comes crashing down upon her.  Because it 
can't last, her utopic Absolute Pacifism.  Not in this world where greed and 
selfishness cause men to devour each other, where gold and power glitter more 
brightly than good will and selflessness.  One of these days, she's going to 
fall from her place in the heavens.  And her knight in gundainium armor isn't 
going to be there to catch her.

But I will.