Self-Destructo Boy (A filk, sung to the tune of "American Pie" by Don Mclean) [This version is a verse longer than the original. Whoops.] {By Katsu} A long, long time ago In 195 AC The earth government was smoking crack And I thought me and my Gundam Could maybe talk Romfeller into Giving my home colony some slack But their reception didn't thrill me >From the countless times they tried to kill me I had no choice but to fight Besides, my side was the right. I took my Gundam to the sea And I sunk a battleship or three Saw a giant robot below me That's where I found this boy... Oh my, my here's this Japanese guy Spandex wearing, in it carrying more guns than trashcans have flies Heero Yuy, always with his laptop nearby Sayin "Now I'll have to see that you die." "Now I'll have to see that you die." Did you know this teenage boy Has skin of Gundanium alloy He can't be destroyed, they say Did you see Relena hit on him While he played b-ball by the gym Yeah, he's probably gonna cap her ass some day At first to keep the girl from harm I shot him in the leg and arm Then he sunk my Gundam And I just wanted to KILL him But I saved him from the hospital And we jumped through a blown out wall Guess who decided to try free fall Oh yes, it was that boy I started singing My, my here's this Japanese guy Spandex wearing, in it carrying more guns than trashcans have flies Heero Yuy, always with his laptop nearby Sayin "Now I'll have to see that you die." "Now I'll have to see that you die." He came with me to hide away So we could fix our Gundams for another day And I saw him set his own leg Dear god, that was frigging sick Then he disabled my Gundam, that little prick Before he left, laughing all the way To say the least, I was unimpressed I'm as smart as him and better dressed I tracked him down no sweat It wasn't over yet Because we were on the same righteous side Together we could fight and hide And so began my wild ride With Self-Destructo boy... I was singin' My, my here's this Japanese guy Spandex wearing, in it carrying more guns than trashcans have flies Heero Yuy, always with his laptop nearby Sayin "Now I'll have to see that you die." "Now I'll have to see that you die." We went to school and worked some more When Oz came knocking at our door Heero's got some issues, man And then we met up with some friends Quatre and Trowa in their Gundams And Wufei with his Nataku We fought the good fight but in the end We had to run to space again Then got captured anyway It just was not my day 'Cause I got beaten up on TV My Gundam got blown up by "Three" Then guess who showed up to kill me The Self-Destructo boy... I was singin' My, my here's this Japanese guy Spandex wearing, in it carrying more guns than trashcans have flies Heero Yuy, always with his laptop nearby Sayin "Now I'll have to see that you die." "Now I'll have to see that you die." Heero saved me from that place While Quatre was playing "Lost in Space" Then Heero got his ass in jail He tried to kill our scientists And I figured it was for the best So I followed to finish up his job Oh, and so I got captured again 'Cause the docs said that they'd fix my friend Got tossed in Heero's cell Wufei was there as well That's when the latest bad news came Quatre had built Wing and gone insane I knew that Oz was to be blamed Then they sent out our boy... We were singin' My, my here's this Japanese guy Spandex wearing, in it carrying more guns than trashcans have flies Heero Yuy, always with his laptop nearby Sayin "Now I'll have to see that you die." "Now I'll have to see that you die." Wufei and I were in a mess No air around, lungs in distress What a boring way to die Then Oz went and changed its mind Their attack saved all of our behinds And the Gundams flew once again The other pilots had survived Even though we thought Trowa had died Another mess by Heero 'Cause Oz captured Wing Zero We all got guinea pigged again On the system that fries a pilot's brain And it made Trowa go sane Thanks Self-Destructo boy We were singin' My, my here's this Japanese guy Spandex wearing, in it carrying more guns than trashcans have flies Heero Yuy, always with his laptop nearby Sayin "Now I'll have to see that you die." "Now I'll have to see that you die." Then the final battle came And guess who saved the day again Mr. Hotshot in his Gundam We all fought and he got the girl Though I don't think that he wanted her But hey, that's the price of fame Wufei's nemesis, Treize died A couple of colonies got fried But in the last, I'm still smilin' UC had more pilots dyin' Our spandex boy, he didn't stay I guess Relena scared him away But I know I'll find him some day My Self-Destructo boy We were singin' My, my here's this Japanese guy Spandex wearing, in it carrying more guns than trashcans have flies Heero Yuy, always with his laptop nearby Sayin "Now I'll have to see that you die." "Now I'll have to see that you die." I was singin' My, my here's this Japanese guy Spandex wearing, in it carrying more guns than trashcans have flies Heero Yuy, always with his laptop nearby Sayin "Now I'll have to see that you die."