Mushoku II Katsu Michael could feel the warmth draining out of his body until he was as cold and dead as a corpse as he stared at the shiny, burned skin on Seimei's shoulder, revealed by the thin straps of the tank top she was wearing. /No...no...no...no, please god.../ /...fear...fear...fear...run away.../ /NO! I DON'T WANT TO REMEMBER! NO!/ He'd only seen a character drawn in that style once before...when Duo and the doctors that had examined him for the first time had showed him pictures of the tattoo on the small of his back and asked him what it meant. /NO! You're all dead. You're all DEAD!/ He hadn't said anything at first, but he'd known. Yes, he'd known. They weren't just content with destroying the lives of their animals--they'd felt the need to mark their handiwork as well. : There are times of pain. : There are times of nothing. : Queries indicate pain is not : A normal state of being for : A living organism of any type. : Assuming that I am indeed alive, : Logic dictates that this pain, then : Is not what I should be feeling. : Thus, what is being done to me : Is not what should be happening. /fearfearfearfearangerfearfearangerangerpainfear/ For one moment, he stood frozen, torn in a thousand different directions. He wanted to run, hide, scream, cower in the corner, claw his eyes out, anything to stop what that...THING...was making him remember... :"Why are you doing this to me? It doesn't make sense!" : No answer, only searing lines drawn on his back. : "WHY? Why are you hurting me?" : No answer, burning and burning and burning... : "NO!! Stop! It hurts! HURTS!" : No answer. : "NO!" /...fear...anger...ghost pain...anger...rage...fury..../ /NO! YOU CAN'T HURT ME ANY MORE! I AM NOT YOURS ANY MORE!/ And suddenly, it all snapped into focus, and the world became red. Snarling, Michael bounded forward and yanked the bar away from Seimei, throwing it to the side with one hand. Something shattered, and then he had Semei against the wall, his arms pressed at her throat...he could feel his strength, she'd never get away, he'd snap that little bitch's neck and tear into her throat until blood ran over his hands and make them leave him alone so he didn't have to HURT any more...he could feel his arms tightening, ready to snap and twist and /yesyesyesyesyes/ /NO! I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!/ Michael clenched his hands into fists until he could feel his nails cutting into his palms. /Yes...pain... focus... FOCUS, DAMNIT!/ It hurt to talk, so much that he was surprised he could make a sound at all. His breath was hard and fast in his ears /what's going on, I don't understand, why is this happening I can't let it make it stop please someone stop.../ "What," he said very carefully, struggling to remember how to form words and make sounds and THINK, "the fuck are you?" She looked him in the eye. She looked...surprised. Not afraid, like he was used to, or angry, but surprised. /threat-food-threat-food-threat-food-threat-food---NO! Person!/ "I am Tengoku Seimei, your assigned partner." : Silvery needles sliding into the big veins of his arms and legs : more pushing under the skin of his neck and wrists and groin : he knew better than to struggle, it made the needles twist : and he was held down too tightly now by the restraints : so it would be a useless survival reaction anyway : and maybe, just maybe, it would be mere invasion : and this time it wouldn't burn and burn and burn... : --my blood has become fire, maybe I'll burn up and die-- "Where did you get that tattoo?" He could feel saliva running out of his mouth as he kept panting /ragefearragefearragefearragefear/ and like he was some kind of fucking rabid dog. She didn't say anything immediately, and he slammed her against the wall, hard enough to set the all of the weight room's mirrors vibrating. "WHAT ARE YOU?" Seimei's expression didn't change at all. "Pandora Serial Experiments, final product Seimei, clone of normal human subject with extra genetic material added using RNA sequencing techniques developed on previous serial experiment subjects..." Her voice was even and calm, and she kept talking, details, statistics, experiments...it all blurred together into a low ringing in Michael's ears as he stared at her. /So calm...so calm...calm...what, didn't we fucking MATTER?/ : Red, everything red, blood running into his mouth : in salty, metalically bitter droplets in his throat : down his chest and groin and collecting in pools : in his hands and in the corners of his eyes : no air, no breath, I can't breath, I'm dying : why do I care? I want it to be over with, easy : NO! Why do I want to live? I want to live! "...all experiments but final product terminated by--" Seimei was cut off by Michael slamming her into the wall again. "Shut up." he hissed, tightening his hands. Blood was leaking out from underneath his fingernails, running down his palms and toward the cuffs of his uniform jacket. "Just shut up. Shut up! SHUT UP!" he slammed her against the wall again. /terminated...fucking roaches...little animals...trash.../ "Not all." he pulled in a ragged breath. /threat-killorflee--threat-killorflee--threat-killorflee--threat-killorflee- -threat-killorflee--threat-killorflee--No, GODAMNIT!/ "Not all!" he struggled to find words, to remember how to speak, anything to force himself into a coherent thought and make the hunger and anger and rage and fear go away. "We weren't fucking terminated! We were MURDERED!" : why won't you answer me : you aren't there any more, are you : they took you away : I can hear you screaming now : until my throat hurts and I scream too : maybe my turn will come soon : I'll keep waiting in the darkness He saw something in her eyes. More shock...and...fear. /weakness...PREY!/ : In the darkness, he could feel nothing : see nothing but the terminal screen : when THEY chose to give it to him : hear nothing, the others were gone : feel nothing but anonymous cold : and couldn't even move to see if : he could still touch or if the world : had become as unreal as he had : Please touch me so I know I'm alive... /NO! I WILL NOT GIVE IN! I can think!/ : keep talking keep talking keep talking : maybe someone will hear : you can talk, can't you? you're still real : even if you can't hear yourself : if you can form words, you can still think : even if nothing else belongs to you But the rage was there, tearing holes in his stomach and squeezing his heart and wanting to spring from him and make the pain stop...anything to make it STOP! : The light was so bright it made him cry : but he made no sound, only let the tears : run down his cheeks and into his hair : while they were shoving electrodes : under his skin but it was nothing : the real pain would come when they : turned on the current and made his : muscles try to snap in half "NO!" Michael let Seimei go and backed away, his muscles tightening and cramping with the memory. Pain exploded behind his eyes, and the world reeled, becoming a symphony or reds and sparkling light until he thought he was going to throw up. "NOT ALL! NOT ALL!" he screamed. /words...hang on to the words...don't stop thinking! Don't stop thinking!/ : leave me alone! : leave me alone! : I'm better off feeling nothing : Than feeling your pain! He was screaming, he could feel it, but it didn't matter. All he could feel was the darkness...the terrible darkness of the place he was born into, where there was no sight or sound or tactile sensation, only the feeling of minutes crawling by while he waited for more needles and pain to remind him that he could feel anything at all.... : the skin on my wrist is peeling back : I can see my bones, red wet and shiny There weren't words any more. Just the sound of his own screaming. /listen to the sound...you can hear...it's real...you're real...you can feel.../ He raked his fingernails over his wrists again and again, peeling off strips of skin and deeper and deeper and deeper and bleeding and bleeding into the darkness, but it swallowed the blood up... : Query; What is God? : >Incorrect syntax error. Resubmit.< : Query; Where is God? : >Incorrect syntax error. Resubmit.< : Query; Why does God hate me? : >Incorrect syntax error. Resubmit.< /fearfearfearfearfearfearfearfearfearfearfearfearfearfear NONONONO!!!!!/ Someone touched him. /NO! LEAVE ME ALONE!/ : am I here? : I don't care any more : Goodnight. The world shattered into a million little pieces of darkness and then was gone.