Okay...I've been at it again! This one takes place right after Thinking
(Khamryn fic). And is rated PG-13
The session with the psychologist had left him utterly drained. It had been late already. He had used the hour's free time the recruits were granted in the evening to visit the shrink. At the time it had seemed like the right thing to do. But now the assassin desperately wanted his bed. His--encounter--with the doctor had left him...disturbed. It had left his inside in turmoil. Though he refused to focus on that fact, or even acknowledge it for that matter.
As he walked down the hallway, Tatakai couldn't shake the feeling that he was missing something important. It was a feeling of loss. As if of an elemental nature, so utterly basic that it should have been there but it wasn't. A memory...a thought...
He shook his head and walked down the hall. Whatever it was...it couldn't that important. And as he had told the doctor, speculation was a waste of time. At the moment all it was accomplishing was to give him a splitting headache.
He wouldn't give into the urge to place his hand to his temple. That was nothing more then a sign of Weakness. And he knew it to be a useless gesture anyhow. Instead he strode with purpose down the hall, hiding the minor pain. It was really quite insignificant when compared to what he had suffered through in the past.
As he came to the door of the room he shared with Khamryn he felt himself hesitate. Somehow... entering the room seemed very wrong. Like he shouldn't even be there. Dangerous...that was the feeling. But what was the cause? Was it a danger to Khamryn? Green eyes narrowed as he stretched his every sense to the fullest. However there was nothing. The area was quiet and nothing moved within the room. Discarding his own foolishness, he toggled the door and let himself in.
The German had left the desk light on. It was enough to see by, but dim enough that the boy could sleep. Without thinking about it he walked to the wall that divided their sleeping area and stood there at the opening as he glanced around the corner. Sure enough Khamryn was in his bed, the covers pulled up to his chin. For all the world he looked like little more then an over sized doll. Someone's toy....
There was no conscious decision involved, the assassin just moved on silent feet over to the side of the younger boy's bed. There he stood regarding the peaceful face before him. Wisps of dark hair trailed over the pale cream features.
Stretching out a hand, he moved to brush the wayward bits of hair from that serene face, but stopped himself. Why? What was he doing? This was wrong.
~Don't care! If you care, you are vulnerable!~
Still...he didn't take his hand way. His body was still as a statue as he mind rolled with conflicting feelings. What was wrong with him? This shouldn't be happening.
He wanted nothing more then to take the boy into his arms...to make him safe...to claim him.
~Yes! Claim him....mark him...possess him~
Like he had been claimed and marked? His mind faltered at the thought. No! He couldn't do that to Khamryn....
~Need to...want to~
Finally he squeezed his out stretched hand close and pulled it back to himself. Absently he fingered his shirt, feeling the jagged scar beneath the thin fabric. It had been carved on his chest, in the flesh of his left breast, half way between the shoulder and the nipple...a constant reminder....of who? He couldn't recall, the memory of the face was fuzzy. Nor did he really care to remember.
It was a past event. It had no baring on the present and was best forgotten..
Looking longingly at the angelic creature tucked beneath the covers, his green eyes became cold and his jaw set in a grim line. What he was feeling...it didn't matter. Emotion was Weakness and as such it couldn't be allowed. Turning on his heel Tatakai paced over to his side of the room and quickly stripped down to his boxers before falling into bed. His body was still sore from his encounter with the Ensign Michael*.
As he tried to relax into sleep he could feel a headache starting. It had been a long day.
* I haven't written this one yet! But I'm working on it!